how i learned to love being single (+ why you should too)

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In this sleep deprived girl talk, I talk about how I learned to be happily single and dissect all of the societal + internal pressures I felt to be in a relationship. I originally filmed this the day before Valentines Day for my fellow single ladies so sorry it’s a bit late!
1:38 a note about double standards
2:38 my history + mindset shift through high school, college, and now
5:22 ~let’s dissect my internalized misogyny~ aka analyze the pressure to be in a relationship
5:30 problematic ideals in rom coms
7:26 validation from male attention
11:10 fear of aging
14:48 vicarious success
17:49 slut shaming / stigma around causal sex
20:01 tips for being happy single
dress: thrifted (similar:,
safety pin earrings: i designed them! (
rainy sunday from epidemic sound ➭
partly sunny by joey pecoraro
special thanks to joey pecoraro for allowing me to use his music! check him out on
what’s your name? ashley
what’s your instagram? @best.dressed
how old are you? 21 (born in 1998)
how tall are you? 5'5"
what’s your ethnicity? half british and half burmese
what equipment do you use to film?
➭ main camera: panasonic lumix gh5s (
➭ 12-35mm lens (
➭ mic: rode videomic pro+ (
➭ vlog camera: canon powershot g7x mark ii (
➭ canon m50 (
➭ editing: final cut pro
FTC: Not sponsored. Some of the above links are affiliate links, meaning I earn a small percentage of sales made via those links, but it doesn’t cost you anything extra!



  • Is she not with David anymore? 😞

    María Lucía Suarez BarberyMaría Lucía Suarez Barbery9 นาทีที่ผ่านมา
  • This girl is a friend I yearn for in my life honestly. The way she views so many things is so refreshing not to mention how she teaches us to own our lives because their our lives in the first place. Love Ashley so much.❤❤

    Karabo MojajeKarabo Mojaje8 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา
  • wtf, how old are you, i thought you were still in college

    Jenn MartinezJenn Martinez13 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา
  • I want to spend time and work on finding myself, for example discovering new hobbies and growing on my talents. there's just someone I'm talking to and that significant other wants a relationship, and at the beginning I did too. But it's so much harder loving someone when you're nowhere near loving yourself, you know? I've been going to therapy after a recent breakdown and I really just want more time to myself. Does anyone have ANY ideas on how I could tell him?

    jeonstofujeonstofu21 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา
  • ironic that she's in a relationship again like a month after this video lmao

    Emily JohnstonEmily Johnston22 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา
  • i saw a comment that said they’re not pressuring themselves to find a relationship, but they’re looking forward to having one. that’s a super good mindset that i’m gonna keep

    witch bitchwitch bitchวันที่ผ่านมา
  • What's weird to me is that most girls at middle school just think one of two ways: Independent- push down other girls, guys, people with fashion preferences, and basically anyone who's different from them in any way to feel better about themselves. They're sexist to their own gender and think that being different somehow makes them superior. Dependent- The average teenaged girl. That's it: whatever your average Sally acts like in your town- that's what everyone is going to hate. This idea that women can only be one thing is so insulting. I can paint my nails, take an interest in fixing cars, loving cooking, and any number of stereotypically feminine or masculine things, and my intelligence or emotional strength wouldn't be impacted. My surface-level femininity doesn't define me- if that makes any sense? People need to realize that: a) Femininity isn't measured in the number of vintage dresses, or nail polish, or any other vanity- and nor should those things be looked down upon. (Fashion/ Makeup are forms of art). b) Femininity looks different for everyone- that's fine. c) Internalized misogyny affects men as well. d) I'm on a rant. e) I'll stop now.

  • So on the topic of magic age number of 30 for marriage and 35 for kids is because a lot of women are worried that their kids will have defects because the chance of getting a defect after 35 goes up 100% (it does NOT mean that the chance is 100, it goes from 0.5% to 1%) and because they hear it goes up 100% it scares the shit out of them so they try to have kids before 35 because they think it goes up to 100% when it doesn’t.

    Alexandria EasleyAlexandria Easleyวันที่ผ่านมา
  • i love your way of thinking so much, thanks for inspiring me

    Nabila KhoirunnisahNabila Khoirunnisahวันที่ผ่านมา
  • nice profile picture ashley!

  • "I must find a man to lock down" I've never related to anything more. During my freshman year of college I was hanging out with this cute smart guy, and everyone who met him told me that I needed to "lock him down". That phrase honestly really bothers me because people aren't prey for us to lock down and people should be happy with being by themselves (and in a relationship if that's what they want but that's not the subject of this mini discussion). In a weird way it made me feel like I would be letting people down if I didn't succeed in "keeping him for myself"

    Ava LinAva Linวันที่ผ่านมา
  • 14:29 golden girls moments baby

    Lixin Lai WenLixin Lai Wenวันที่ผ่านมา

    Franklin GaldinoFranklin Galdinoวันที่ผ่านมา
  • You’ve said anything i needed to hear, thank you so much

    María MónicaMaría Mónica2 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Holy sh*t you are 21?! I’m turning 21 next week and I feel like a child compared to you!!!

    Sara RuizSara Ruiz2 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • My story is more like RDR2.

    ghost Comptonghost Compton2 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • damn, if you ever decide to sell this dress, I CALL DIBS:)

    Jennifer LamJennifer Lam2 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Part about double standards: 👏say👏it👏louder👏

    Andrea DarabasicAndrea Darabasic3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Omg we're from the same county in MD I think! I saw you mention your highschool in a different video. Small world

    Chelsea HunterChelsea Hunter3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • for some reason my parents keep pressuring my brother whos only 17 to get into a long term relationship

    Elizabeth GioviElizabeth Giovi3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • your voice,, sounds like michael cera ,,

    cüffed pancakescüffed pancakes3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • How is this so accurate?? How much wisdom do you have????

    Naomi JayneNaomi Jayne3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I’m 27 and single. I’m terrified of hitting 30 soon and still being alone and ofc the Biological Clock is ticking🙃 how do I deal with it?

    baghashvilibaghashvili3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Alright. I'm a 14 year old female (insert r/iam14andthisisdeep jokes) and I recently started dating my crush of 1.5 years. It was fun for a week or two but now I started to realize I don't want to be in this relationship any more because I have this feeling of being restricted (idk if it's a right way to phrase it). I really want to be free, but I cant break up with him, because i don't want to hurt his feelings, and would like to avoid awkwardness between us. Anybody has ideas what to do?

    Vilne S.Vilne S.3 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • @mellifluous thoughts thank you very much, I'll try my best

      Vilne S.Vilne S.3 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • Vilne S. This probably isn’t very helpful in any way shape or form but sometimes things just don’t work out. If you feel tied down or restricted it’s probably best to let them go. You just sound like you’re not ready to begin a serious relationship (from what I’m gathering) which is understandable and I think everyone is similar in that way. It makes your shoulders feel heavy almost. As for how you should do it there’s probably no way to avoid awkwardness. It’s bound to happen. Just try to sit them down and explain what you just said to them. Your reasons are valid and I think they’re easy to understand. I know that’s kinda easier said than done due to teenage awkwardness but it’s probably for the best. Not sure if this helped but Best of luck though😊

      mellifluous thoughtsmellifluous thoughts3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Istg Ashley is literally the bestest wisest role model I could ever look up too ❤️❤️ She's a whole fucking goddess 👑

    Jennie BlackJennie Black3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I miss the wallpaper from ur old apartment bedroom

    Bhavya YENUGULA 19-1-02133Bhavya YENUGULA 19-1-021334 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • People who still slutshame to this day can just take the big fat L and leave. Go, shoo, noone needs you here. You SUCK

    Moon EvergreenMoon Evergreen4 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I've been single my whole life and i'm thriviiing

    Moon EvergreenMoon Evergreen4 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • This I believe is so freaking important for every woman to hear. the society we live in is corrupt and it is so true we are taught as CHILDREN that we are side characters or that romances are the ones to watch.

    Julianne WoodyJulianne Woody4 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • i needed this more than u know.

    lauren flanolauren flano4 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • damn I didn't know Damon was having threesomes with french dudes but it doesn't surprise me loool

    Dana PerezDana Perez4 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Hi :)

    timtim lagumbaytimtim lagumbay5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • This video- i relate to it so much because i got a boyfriend at 14 years old and i thought he was my everything, but 2 years later he dumped me and it was like the glass shattered he started dating my ex best friend THE NEXT morning and was a spider in a web full of lies,and i was really shown that he was mentally abusive. I dated a narcissist and he broke me honestly and i didnt see how manipulated me until he broke up with me so the journey to be happy single and happy alone has been crazy, i dated him from 14 to 16 almost 17 and I feel like i grew up with his abusive nature which took a number out on me, its been a few months and I still am afraid of a lot of things because of his manipulation its a long journey that im on but goodness now that i'm free I am so excited to be on this journey and see how my life goes and see what God has in store for me.

    Kayla TrentKayla Trent5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!1

    rochelle diotrochelle diot5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I’ve been bingewatching a lot of ur vids and figuring out that we’re the same age makes me think that you’re the best friend I never had

    Zhae DelgadoZhae Delgado5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • just saw the date which is 2/20/2020 and that's my birthday

    Bryn ChavarriaBryn Chavarria5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Stay celibate ladies it weeds out weirdos

    Jewel GrierJewel Grier5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I know people who caught aids from husband and boyfriends soooo

    Jewel GrierJewel Grier5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Just dedicated my entire freshman career to my first relationship ever and ended up being heartbroken. Boy o boy I've never needed this video more than now...

    Ligia GarcíaLigia García5 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I feel like I went through all of Ashley's stages and entered "single! I'm awesome! F boys!" When I was 20. Then 2 months later I met a guy who I knew was husband material. Fought it but decided its a rare opportunity to date someone who ACTUALLY seems like a great fit, and now we've been dating 3.5 years 😁🤣😊

    Hot Creative MessHot Creative Mess6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • you’re fucking amazing, honestly

    Fernanda FurlaniFernanda Furlani6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Thank you for this! ❤

    Karah BinionKarah Binion6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Petition for Ashley to create a podcast about her opinion on everything in life✋

    Zofia WieczorekZofia Wieczorek6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • the intro killed me lmao

    Addy LuAddy Lu6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • My family wants me to be married before 25 LOL

    Ivanka BasarinaIvanka Basarina6 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • relationships are so exhausting be a single is the best thing ever just thinking about my self and depend on me ✌🏻✌🏻

    FatimaFatima7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • One thing that strikes me when I watch videos like this, is also how sometimes we are unused to the idea of women sharing their romantic pasts. Like it's normal for a guy to talk about the people he's dated, but if women talk about her dating past, we usually expect it to be in private with friends and such, and I wonder how much of that comes from the stigma that women shouldn't date a lot or have sex with a lot of men or else they are "sluts".

    Carolina ShowmakerCarolina Showmaker7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • The whole men having so much more time than women is such a myth. Mens sperm ages too and the quality of the cells depreciates, leading to increased risks of deformities and other genetic issues. Men can also lose their fertility, they're on the same timeline as women but since they technically could impregnate someone at 60, they're not under as much pressure but they should be. A 25 year old egg impregnated with 60 year old sperm is still a huge risk and not preferable. Maybe if men realized that they wouldnt act like such imbeciles their entire adult lives and then decide to finally settle down when the arthritis sets in.

    LoriaLoria7 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • Loria read your own essay

      Joe RoganJoe Rogan2 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • @Joe Rogan that makes no sense,

      LoriaLoria2 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • Loria maybe if women wouldn’t be such imbeciles for their entire lives they would be able to own trillion dollar companies like men do.

      Joe RoganJoe Rogan3 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • when this first came out i was in a relationship well technically i still am but now i have no fucking idea if i wanna be with him we have been together for a year & our relationship has been going down hill for about 6 months now im tired of crying over him so much but im absolutely terrified of being alone I NEED ADVICE!

    be gone thotbe gone thot7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • thank u for this advices Ashley, ily so muchhhhh

    Lesleigh AranjuezLesleigh Aranjuez7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • this is my fave video of yours!! love this so much

    Margaux VelasquezMargaux Velasquez7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • *buy a vibrator* Me, a guy: if you say so

    AvocadoOnPCAvocadoOnPC7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • for me i just want to be single but idk why i entered a relationship just when i steo senior high school, like damn. i just take a risk that time but i didnt expect we are together till now. there's a lot of problems ive encountered but i know there's a lot more comin, i just dont know what is the right thing to do. just go with the flow i guess. i want to be free again but i want to be loved and assured from someone. so i dont really know howww

    Lesleigh AranjuezLesleigh Aranjuez7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I’m going through a breakup rn so I need this!!!!

    Anna YandowAnna Yandow7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • This is so fake. You got into a long distance relationship, stay strong in that #notlikeothergirls mindset, and use male attention for validation. The fact that you make six figures and have never faced financial hardship yet play up the "my parents are immigrants" narrative is disgusting. So is having Ryan travel from California to stay with you in New York in the midst of the pandemic. How selfish can you be? Maybe instead of over rehearsing unfunny one liners and deleting any sort of critical comments, you should seek therapy.

    WhateverWhatever7 วันที่ผ่านมา
    • Whatever Destroyed

      sybunsybun2 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Ashley: “how I learned to love being single” Also Ashley: shows off ryan 24/7 lmao

    jisoojisoo7 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Ashley needs to create a podcast

    Haha NopeHaha Nope8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • Oh god it’s 5 am and I really didn’t think I would hear mention of the crab land 😷

    Not georgieNot georgie8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I like how you have very lighthearted sexual humor

    arnoldo lopezarnoldo lopez8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I like how you have very lighthearted sexual humor

    arnoldo lopezarnoldo lopez8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • wait what happen with you and the guy

    ClarrrClarrr8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • after my terrible anorexia (i’m struggling with the recovery), i realize i should love myself more. sounds weird but i want to be single forever 😂

    ruby janeruby jane8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • pls release merch that says "we live in a society~" i would buy that so fast lol

    Maddie LeeMaddie Lee8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • marriage or a reltionship romanticlly or having kids isnt the be all or end all

    Basha FredmanBasha Fredman8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I NEED A PODCAST THAT TALKS ABOUT BEING SINGLE any recommendation anyone ?

    Asilla HazmanAsilla Hazman8 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I’m learning how to fully love myself again, and to feel comfortable and content being single. I’m 22, and my boyfriend just ended our 4 year relationship just 4 days after my birthday and 2 days before Valentine’s Day. I was incredibly heartbroken, and to make matters worse, he couldn’t really give me a reason other than “he’s just too busy”. Which didn’t make any sense to me. We both got new jobs and were spending more time apart, but that only made me miss him so much more, and all I wanted to do in my free time was spend time with him. He became very distant and his attitude towards me completely changed. It seemed to me like he was cheating on me, but he swears up and down that he’d never do that to me. It would’ve hurt a lot less if he would’ve. It was him not being 100% honest with me and treating me differently, that hurt me more. When he broke things off with me, he tried to make it seem like he still loved me, but just didn’t have the time to give me what I needed as a women. And then weeks later, he wanted to tell me that “our relationship” just stopped being what it used to be. That he just didn’t feel the same about it anymore. And the way he said it, was as if our whole relationship was just “oh well” to him. He literally just threw me away like it was nothing. And what hurt me more, was the fact that he said he didn’t tell me that up front, because he didn’t wanna hurt me more. And then he ended it by saying “it is what it is”. So I feel like a lot of my time was wasted, the moment he started losing feelings. And Its somewhat difficult for me to get those words: “it is what it is” out of my mind. Because it’s like “is that really how you saw our relationship?” I still don’t have a lot of the answers to my questions. And I may never get them to get the closure that I want. But I’m feeling okay at the moment. Nobody deserves to be thrown away by someone they love when they’ve done nothing but love them unconditionally. But I know this will make me a lot stronger. And now I know what I don’t want and what I will not put up with. And I’m finally starting to love myself again like I used to.

    LRGsweetheart98LRGsweetheart989 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • as someone who just broke up yesterday, the line, "one day a guy comes around and he might be the last guy you ever have sex with" really shifted everything into perspective and I just realized I didn't want that guy to be my ex who I was crying about, like honestly, I can't even think of that, and that just makes me think I'm happy I broke up, there's so much more to do, not just in terms of dating, but in general and I should give myself the chance to go out and do that so that when that moment of marriage or settling in really comes, I don't feel like I missed out on my life, and am actually looking forward to experiencing a new chapter. Ashley, I don't think I've said this to anyone, but you . . . you complete me. (sorry, not sorry for being so cheesy)

    Anishka SharanAnishka Sharan9 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • I fell like everyone in the comments are like “I needed this I’m never going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend” to be relatable but like I’ve personally got a boyfriend and it can be nice but being single is just as nice like it’s ok (I have no idea where I’m going with this 😂)

    Riverdale VixenRiverdale Vixen9 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • why am i crying right now...thank you ashley for being the older sister i never had

    margmarg9 วันที่ผ่านมา
  • 10:27 that random shoe chillin in the backround

    Arielle Wolynez20Arielle Wolynez209 วันที่ผ่านมา
how i learned to love being single (+ why you should too)